ThisIsWhatFalling Feels Like.

[x] This is What Falling Feels Like [x]

I think your just scared, or something like that.
But I guess I'll never know.
You caught me WAY off guard and I had to catch myself when I fell.
but since thats impossible, I just let myself fall
and fall..
annddd faaallllllll...
Kind of like those dreams where you keep falling and falling and you know theres no one down there to catch you
and your heart just kind of sinks into your stomach until you feel like puking.
but you never puke either
that pain is just there
and you cant get rid of it by yourself
so I've come to this conclusion that it really isnt me, its you.
your just scared to catch me.

but you hate to watch me fall too.
and your scared to fall.
Cause you dont think Id catch you if you did..
I told you (in fewer words) that I would catch you
You must have trust issues cause you didnt believe that either.
But Im just a little girl who cant change minds and I cant change hearts either, cause Ive tried
and it just doesnt work.
All I can do with hearts is watch them fall and break and shatter and pick them up to try to put them back together, but they just die.
every god damn time.

So maybe Im done trying for now
cause Im so sick
and tired
sick and tired of watching everything fall and I cant do anything about it
cause Im just a little girl
trapped in the mind of a 30 year old who wants to save everything.
wishful thinking is a bitch.
so wheres the black hole cause Id really love to go there and just scream until I can taste blood and my vocal cords disappear.
but I cant do that either.
cause Im just a little girl who cant find her way anywhere
let alone find the black hole.

So this whole "you have so much ahead of you" bullshit is making me sick.
If you havent caught on yet, I kind of live for the moment, not for 10 years from right now
and right now Im hurt
and right now I cant cry anymore
but later on tonight will be a different story
Cause every god damn song reminds me
Of seeing everything fall to peices.
and I cant catch it
so I'll just keep watching it fall and reminding myself that Im just a little girl, and I "have so much ahead of me"
like what? Watching more shit fall to hell?
Okay, thanks..
so much for wishful thinking right?